Daddy Dilemma

I look at the clock throughout the day in my office hoping for a certain time. While I’m busy from the moment I set foot in the door, until the moment I leave, I constantly look to see where the hour hand lay. If I daydreamed, I’m sure my mind would be filled with an ominously loud ticking noise throughout the day.

Once quitting time comes, I race down the hall and out the door. Down the cigarette-butt covered steps and around the corner. I streak through the parking lot, barely waiving to the cleaning crew strolling in for their daily routine. The sun light already dim. I jump in my road salt stained car, (living in the Northeast this is a fact of life), I turn the ignition, put the old vehicle in reverse, slowly back out, shift the automatic to the D position and I’m off.

35 to 40 minutes later I’m pulling into my driveway. I hop out of the car, and scurry up the front steps. As I step on the porch I can hear my reason for haste: Little A. Maybe its a scream, maybe a cry, today it was a yelp of joy as he was playing on the floor with mommy.

I open the front door and there, to my delight, is a smiling eight-month old. A few teeth on the top, a few on the bottom, but a smile full of joy and glee nevertheless. Almost instantly he’s done with mommy and looks to me as if we haven’t seen each other for years. Daddy’s home!

His smile lights up my world like no other. Nothing else matters at that moment. Not the person who cut me off going through the tolls, not the conference calls, the emails, or the burnt coffee I ingested on my way to work, (and nearly spilled due to said evil driver that cut me off). At that moment, Little A is truly everything to me and my world.

After playing on the couch, on the floor, and carrying the little guy around the house because he won’t let go, my yearning to blog creeps into my head. I want to go and blog. I want to write. But I want to spend time with my son. For all my blogging about how important spending time with your kids is, I find myself wanting to do something that takes me away from him.

True, I have written posts with him sitting on my lap. I will say while this was relaxing, his new ability to slap the keyboard changes that. I can’t say how many revisions I’ve made to rather short posts because of said keyboard slapping.

Why do I suffer this dilemma? I would think it’s a no brainer. Time with Little A versus blogging: Little A wins every time. Yet, I still find myself blogging away. You may ask, how are you writing such a long post now? Little A finally realized daddy was right and he needed a nap. But my dilemma will return. It does everyday. I will continue to blog. For this is something I need to do. But, I hope I can find a daily balance. If I can find the balance, I think this can be a lesson to Little A as he grows. Maybe I can make this blogging thing a parenting tool. Just, maybe.


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